I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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