I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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