oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
