I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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