I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
