on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize