i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
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As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
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Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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