Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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