Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
