we're blogging at a bar
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
