i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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