He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
