Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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