SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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