he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
