WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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