Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You are the jesus of drinking
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
