i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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