Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
