I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
