i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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