I puked a lego.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
