I want to make a zoo with you.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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