im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
