I'm gonna have a badass scar
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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