I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
