Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
