how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
