After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
There are leaves in my underwear?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
