is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
not ubering you a puppy
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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