True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
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One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
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There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
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