using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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