i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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