Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
