I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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