party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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