New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
