dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
