there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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