At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
