i think my tv is drunk
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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