ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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