You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
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I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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