I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My vagina is officially offended.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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