i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
