Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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