You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
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I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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