i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
