i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
