Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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