Christians are straight up FREAKS
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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