i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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