If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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