Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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