he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
