It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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