Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
