It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
This is my gift to your gina
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
