Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My cat gives me a boner
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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