Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
