I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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