My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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