I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
