no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
