THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
