I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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